Embracing the
Fear, Learning to Manage Anxiety and Panic Attacks *
by Judith Bemis and Amr Barrada
(Published
by Hazelden, 1994)
This book
offers an alternative approach in dealing with anxiety and panic attacks, one that is built on paradox. Through this program
you will acquire new insights, helpful coping strategies and a self-talk that is supportive and nurturing. You will discover
that there is hope for recovery. 'Embracing the Fear' offers a three-part program: Managing Our Anxiety, Listening to Our
Inner Dialogue, and Lifestyle Awareness. Managing Our Anxiety consists of 14 strategies for dealing with panic attacks, as
well as chronic or generalized anxiety. Listening to Our Inner Dialogue explains how self-talk plays an important part in
initiating and perpetuating our anxiety and panic, as well as helping us make it more manageable. Specific examples are included.
Lifestyle Awareness helps us gain a better understanding of how we feel about ourselves and how we relate to others. It raises
our awareness of how we deal with everyday life events and how our way of dealing with them can set us up for anxiety or panic
attacks.
Contents
PART 1 - THE PROBLEM: FEAR OF FEAR
The Anxiety
Disorders
What Causes Anxiety Disorders Anxiety Disorders and Alcohol Gaining a New Perspective What is Recovery?
PART 2 - THE SOLUTION: A COGNITIVE APPROACH
Introduction to the Program
Managing Our Anxiety Listening to Our Inner Dialogue Lifestyle Awareness
THE FOURTEEN STRATEGIES
Strategy 1: Accepting Our Anxiety Disorder
Strategy 2: Practicing a Self-Nurturing
Inner Dialogue Strategy 3: Allowing the Sensations of Anxiety or Panic Strategy 4: Slowing Down Strategy 5: Letting Go of Control Strategy 6: Taking
Risks
Strategy 7: Allowing Catastrophic Thoughts Strategy 8: Learning and Talking About Our Anxiety Disorder Strategy 9: Keeping Our Expectations
Low
Strategy 10: Accepting Setbacks Strategy 11: Taking the Time Limit Out of Recovery Strategy 12: No Longer Anticipating Panic Attacks Strategy 13: Recognizing
Our Inner Strength Strategy 14: Reaching Out to Others
PART 3 - INTEGRATION: TAKING RISKS
Putting the Program to Work
Going to Church
Going to the Dentist
Going to the
Supermarket
Going to the Hair Salon
Shopping at the Mall
Going to a Restaurant
Going to the Theater, Concerts, or Large Group Events
Going to a Social Event or Party
Going to Work, to a Conference, or on a Job Interview
Driving Alone
Riding on a Bus, in a Van, or in a Carpool
Driving on the Expressway
Taking a Trip
Flying the Unfriendly Skies
CONCLUSION
PART 4: APPENDIX
Some Thoughts on Self-Care
Organizing an Anxiety/Panic Support Group
Anxiety Management
Strategies and Corresponding Self-Talk:
(Practicing a Self-Nurturing Inner Dialogue, pages 31-33)
Strategy
2: Our self-talk, which tends to be shaming and non-permissive, has been partly responsible for our anxiety or panic. It continues
to be a problem because it affects the intensity and duration of these feelings. It will help if we practice an inner dialogue
that is nurturing, We might begin by giving ourselves permission to be anxious.
A-talk: What's wrong
with me? Why am I so anxious?
B-talk: I'm probably anxious because . . (offer explanation, e.g., I didn't sleep
well last night, my job is very stressful, I need to slow down, etc.)
A-talk: This shouldn't be happening to me.
I must be dying (passing out, going crazy).
B-talk: I'm having a panic attack. It's only the thought of dying (passing
out, going crazy) that is frightening me. I'm not in any physical danger.
(Letting Go of Control,
pages 46-48)
Strategy 5: With the onset of intense anxiety or panic, our first reaction is to try
to stay in control. It will help is we practice letting go; the less we attempt to stay in control, the more in control we
will feel.
A-talk: I must not let this get out of hand. I've got to stay in control.
B-talk:
I'll try to allow myself to let go of control. The more I can let go, the better. A-talk: I can't leave because
of these feelings. If I give in to them now, it will be just that much worse the next time! B-talk: I do have
the option to leave, in which case I could practice being okay with leaving. Knowing that I have that option will make it
easier to stay, now or any other time.
Testimonials (Lynn's Story, page 29)
At a recent support group meeting, a young man asked, "Does anyone else get up in the morning dreading a
panic attack?" Now, I can remember feeling that way, but to my surprise I realized I no longer think about that. This
question made me reflect on how far I've come. I know that I might have setbacks, but I also know that "allowing"
them to happen, getting lots of practice, and accepting where I am now in my recovery help me through the tough moments. I
used to panic everywhere--church, movie theaters, restaurants, home, social functions. I thought I was nuts! I avoided most
of these places in fear of the dreaded attack. However, I am enjoying my successes now and it's wonderful! I
took the risk and enrolled in a floral class, which I've wanted to do for a long time. I was not comfortable the first couple
of times, but I told myself, That's okay, I'm bound to be anxious, and besides, maybe there are others here feeling the
same way. From then on it was great; I hated to see the first session end. I am now enrolled in two more sessions and
can't wait to begin again. (Delores' Story, page 82)
The early days of agoraphobia were confusing and terrifying. I remember holding onto
my desk at work and asking, What is happening to me? That was the fall of 1965. It's a wonder I was even able to
hold down a job. In the beginning I had no idea what was happening, nor did the medical profession have any answers. For months
I struggled with the belief that I was either seriously ill or that I was hopelessly caught up in the grips of a mental illness.
My days and nights consisted of fighting the feelings that had become so overwhelming. I was constantly analyzing them, asking
Why? and desperately trying to cling to some sense of sanity. There were times I thought I was dying. A therapist said, "No,
you're not dying, but there will be times when you'll wish you were." I didn't believe him at the time, but the day would
come when I would understand what he meant only too well. Survival
was the name of the game in those early days. I wouldn't give up trying to find a solution to my problem. What I did discover
was by hit or miss, since no one could give me any answers. One thing I learned was that keeping busy helped. Unfortunately,
it was like being on a treadmill; I was okay until it stopped. My life became a whirlwind of activity with the ever present
fear of what would happen if I ever stopped to relax. I also discovered that by not being so impressed with the feelings I
was able to keep some perspective. (This was the "grit-your-teeth-and-plow-through" period.) Most important, I discovered
that when I no longer cared whether I had a panic attack or not, they occurred less often. As though it were yesterday,
I remember remarking to my doctor, "I've decided that if I pass out on the street someone will help me. I just don't
care anymore." It was the beginning. Later, I was told by my therapist, "It's when you stop caring that it goes
away." And it did! Therapy was the final step in my recovery.
I learned definite strategies to use when dealing with panic attacks. A complete change of attitude evolved, which helped
give me back my zest for life. Fear was replaced with accepting and allowing. My expectations were lowered; even my whirlwind
pace was challenged. Someone had finally helped me to get off the treadmill.
Book Endorsements
This is one of the best self-help
books I have read on agoraphobia. I wish this book had been around when I was afflicted by my panic disorder. I would highly
recommend Embracing the Fear as worthwhile reading. -Al Kasha, Oscar-winning composer,
writer, and producer-
I have found that recovery comes from acceptance, from
letting the panic come without fighting it. I’ve learned this and so much more from Embracing the Fear. It has given
me my life back. -Lori- Since reading ‘Embracing the Fear’ my life has changed
from anxiety-controlled to self-acceptance and self- love. It has taught me a new approach in overcoming my agoraphobia and
has encouraged me, once house-bound, to return to college to renew a career abandoned 2- years ago. I recommend this book
to anyone suffering from anxiety. -Debby-
Book Reviews
A book reviewer once wrote, "If you can imagine, there is no straining and striving to overcome your disorder,
no 'hard work,' no guilt or shame, no pressure or deadlines. The basic principle is a most permissive one that is sensible,
balanced and emotionally healthy."
-Encourage Newsletter, July/August 1994, Scottsdale, AZ. Written by Pat Merrill,
Editor-
(The following reviews are from Amazon.com) This book saved me!! I must admit that Lucinda Bassett’s program (15 week taped program) and Dr. Bourne’s ‘Anxiety
and Phobia Workbook’ are remarkable. . .but I feel that this book ‘Embracing the Fear’ was the last ‘pill’
I really needed to help in my recovery from agoraphobia. Once housebound, I have read many books on this topic. This book
is wonderful. . .I have underlined and highlighted almost the entire book. THIS is the first book that talked to me about
MY fear. . .not fear of dying like so many other books describe but fear of the TERROR of a panic attack. I KNEW I was not
dying. . .I was just avoiding my life trying to protect myself from having one of those dreaded attacks away from home. I
HIGHLY recommend this book. I am currently finishing up my master's degree in counseling and will definitely use this with
my anxious clients. I can't tell you how much this book has helped me. It is like my second bible. -Matthew's Mom- This one is the best because I’ve read them all I have consumed every
book out there on this subject. This is the best book for helping the patient cope and understand the condition. It has more
helpful coping strategies than any other book on the market. It is upbeat and gives you the sense that you can handle this,
and that you will be fine. I love their attitude. -A Customer-
After 15 years of terror This
remarkable book helped me to understand and see myself and my world in a new light. Being a male who "white knuckled"
my life for 15 years, the book allowed me to seek a new awareness nearly opposite from what I felt the path to serenity and
peace would be. No one can know the traps of panic disorder like those who live it. The recovering authors’ insights
have moved my struggles to insights, understanding and acceptance of myself, turning burdens into gifts. A life changer for
me, I have shared with others, on my fourth copy.
-A Customer-
Life Saver! When
I read this book a few years ago I thought bull this will never work. But trust me it does. Facing and embracing the fear
instead of running from it does work, but you need determination and keep practicing the steps in the book. It WORKS! -A Customer- A new way of thinking about anxiety When the author said we give ourselves two
impossible choices by telling ourselves we can't stay because of fear and panic, yet we can't leave because of the failure
and humiliation, she really hit it on the nail for me. Giving myself two possible choices - it's okay to stay, and it's okay
to leave - opened up a new reality for me. I never told myself before I read this book that it's okay if I leave a panicked
situation. I always beat myself on the head and feared it meant I could never go back. I didn't realize how harshly I was
treating myself until I saw another possibility, the "B-Talk," which is about accepting myself, giving myself
options, and seeing anxiety from a new way. This book is a real life changer. -my two cents "my two cents"- This book is available at Amazon.com, Barnesandnoble.com, & local bookstores
Also through Hazelden Publications (1-800-328-0098)
The Power of Acceptance,
Finding Peace from Anxiety and Panic Attacks by Judith
Bemis
(Published by Cold Tree Press, Nashville, Tennessee, 2008)
'The Power of Acceptance' is a sequel to 'Embracing the Fear.' It delves deeper into the psychological
factors that trigger anxiety and panic attacks. It stresses the importance of a healthy self-esteem, of setting boundaries,
and feeling more in charge of our lives. Its content is more personal than the former book. It answers readers' questions,
such as "What about medication?" "Does acceptance mean that I can't do anything about my anxiety?" "Am
I being negative by having low expectations?"
Written
by a recovered agoraphobic, this book speaks from the heart. Those of us trying to cope with persistent and unexplainable
anxiety or panic attacks need to be reminded that we are not alone. We discover, through coping strategies and gentle self-talk,
that we no longer have to try so hard to fix or control our anxiety. We no longer have to live in fear.
Contents
Chapter One: Origins
The First Panic Attack
Looking at the Problem
Anxiety Disorders
Defining
a Panic Attack
Diagnostic Symptoms of a Panic Attack
Why Am I Panicking?
Panic Attacks and Heredity
Other Factors to Consider
What Can Trigger
Anxiety or Panic?
Chapter Two: The Power of Acceptance The
Meaning of Acceptance
The Gentle Voice Within
This is Who I Am Today
Slowing Down in a Fast-paced World
Lowered
Expectations, a Positive Approach
Feeling the Fear
and Taking the Risk
Goals, Time Limits, Setbacks Chapter Three: Acceptance in Everyday Life Chapter Four: Growing in Awareness Growing in Awareness
Getting in Touch With Our Feelings
Taking Charge
of Our Lives
Becoming More Assertive
Establishing Boundaries
Dealing With Confrontation
Moving into a New Comfort zone Chapter Five: Awareness Through Journaling How to Journal
Recording Our Progress
Recording Our Feelings
Writing Unsent letters
Writing
Prose and Poetry Chapter
Six: Beyond Acceptance Questions on Self-care
Thoughts on Medication Parting Thoughts - Recovery Defining Recovery Conclusion Appendix:
Questions from the Support Person's Perspective
Chapter Two: The Power of
Acceptance (pages 33-34) The power of acceptance is a challenging concept for those of us who feel trapped in a cycle of
fear. Perhaps the notion of accepting or allowing seems too simple a strategy for dealing with anxiety or
panic attacks. Seeing the problem as complex, we look for complex answers. However, I repeatedly hear people say, "The
thing that helped me the most in my recovery was acceptance." Despite its effectiveness in breaking the anxiety-panic
cycle, accepting seems contrary to what we think we should be doing, that is, trying hard to control our anxiety
symptoms. However, this need to control only builds up a resistance, which, in itself, creates a problem. According to Reid Wilson, a psychologist
who specializes in the treatment of anxiety disorders, whenever we resist something it will persist because we have created
a polarity (opposing forces). He gives the following example: Two hundred warriors are marching toward us. What do we do?
Attack or retreat? We are told that either will provoke an aggressive response. On the other hand, if we do nothing but sit
and observe, we will not attract their attention. The same holds true for the onset of our panic. The greater the resistance, the
greater the chance of a full-blown attack. And by becoming a passive observer--that is, allowing the symptoms without
fighting them--we lessen the chance of panic occuring. However, acceptance does not mean just putting up with or
tolerating the anxiety symptoms, thinking there is nothing we can do about them anyway. How do I know when I'm accepting
my anxiety? Tuning in to our self-talk is one way
of knowing whether or not we are accepting our anxiety. What are we saying about it? If we are telling ourselves that
we shouldn't have this problem or that we have to get rid of the anxiety we are not accepting. Instead, we are trying hard
to control our symptoms. However, we need to allow them to run their course. At a support group meeting, someone once commented, "I understand the
concepts we're discussing--acceptance and allowing the sensations of panic. I really think I'm doing that. So, why
am I still panicking?" She then went on to say, "Each time I feel the anxiety building I say to myself,
Oh, dear! Here it is again. How long is this going to go on?" This inner dialogue tells us why her panic attacks
are continuing. Still feeling overwhelmed, she is merely putting up with her symptoms while desperately hoping to get rid
of them as soon as possible. Even when some of us think we are accepting our anxiety, we don't always realize what we are
saying to ourselves and the difference our self-talk can make. Does acceptance mean I'm always going to have this problem? "I'm having a difficult time
with the idea of acceptance," said another support group member. "I feel that if I give in to my anxiety
or accept it, it will continue to get worse and I'll always have it." Many of us think that if we don't put a stop
to the anxiety or panic it will get worse. However, fear of being unable to control the anxiety and the anticipation of it
getting worse play a big part in perpetuating the problem. It's the accepting, the surrendering to our anxiety and panic symptoms--not
fighting them--that can help break the anxiety-panic cycle. While acceptance on a long-term basis may seem overwhelming, if
not impossible, trying to accept our anxiety one day at a time is more realistc and achievable.
Taking a Closer
Look at Our Self-Talk (Slowing Down, page 80) 1. I'm running late. It will help if I give myself permission not to be on
time so that I won't have to rush. 2. It will help to slow everything down and focus on the moment. I can handle what I'm doing
right now. 3.
I feel I'm not getting as much accomplished now that I've slowed down. The best I can do is accept that. 4. I just can't seem to slow down
today. It will help if I allow myself to feel rushed, even if it means being anxious.
(Goals, Time Limits, Setbacks, page
118) 1.
I can deal with this one day at a time. Today, I'll try to be patient with my progress. 2. The more I take my time in recovery,
the better. Trying to rush through the process is not helpful. I can try to see this as a time to continue practicing
helpful coping strategies. i am still making progress. 3. It has been quite a while since I've felt this anxious, but it makes a lot
of sense considering the stresses in my life (the pressures at work, family conflict, financial difficulties, etc.) 4. Why wouldn't I feel this way?
This is how I sometimes react to stressful situations. Stories (Mara's Story, page 75)
I remember standing at the entrance to the grocery store, anticipating the
anxiety I was sure I'd have as soon as I stepped through the door. While mustering up my courage, I visualized the locations
of the items I needed. I then went directly to the shelves, quickly gathered up my groceries, and headed for the checkout
counter. With any luck there wouldn't be a line. I had rushed through the store on many occasions seeking to get outside before
the panicky feelings hit. What a surprise I got when I discovered
that slowing down and allowing the panic actually made it easier for me to stay in the store and finish my shopping. As I
became more accepting of the anxiety symptoms, I discovered that I was no longer afraid of them, and they became less and
less of a problem. (Bev's Story, page 105)
The first night I went to my support group I felt hope. I sat quietly and listened. The aloneness I had
been experiencing diminished. I heard that I wasn't the only one having those crazy feelings. Whew! What a relief! Naturally,
I expected the quick cure. I would get these terrifying feelings in tow and get on with my life! But that's not how recovery
works. Yet hope remains. Sometimes my day begins with fear, but the feeling is shorter-lived, nowhere as intense, nor does
fear haunt me as often as it did in the past. I allow the fear to do whatever it needs to do, remembering always that it is
only a feeling and that I am safe. Letting go takes practice, but it really has worked for me. So many areas of
my life have changed for the better. This program works! The difference is amazing when I keep my expectations low, stay with
the panic feelings, and believe that they will pass. This is a process that moves slowly. No time limits. No quick fixes.
But there is hope.
Book Endorsement "We finally have a whole book devoted
to the healing properties of self-acceptance. People suffering from emotional problems should find this book extremely helpful
in their quest for recovery." Amr Barrada, Ph.D.
Clinical Psychologist
Edina, Minnesota Book Reviews (The following excerpts are taken from reviews on Amazon.com)
If you finally want to break the anxiety/panic cycle READ THIS BOOK (Oct. 30, 2008)
There are
many good books today that tackle the issues of anxiety and panic disorder. I’ve read the majority of them since the
1980’s, and I featured several in ENcourage Newsletter (no longer in print) for the benefit of folks with panic disorder
and agoraphobia. But I’d like to make it clear that this particular book and author truly offers the most immediate
practical help I’ve seen. In keeping with Judith Bemis’ previous book, Embracing the Fear, the reader finds "real
world" examples of the actual use of ACCEPTANCE in anxious situations. This fills a big gap in available literature.
More importantly, perhaps, is the clarity with which ACCEPTANCE is described and defined. (Readers
will be relieved to know the acceptance is far from resignation.) The paradox and living experience of true acceptance is
what heals us – on many levels. Rather than ardent striving and controlling (which is exhausting
and futile), one will learn just how to treat anxiety with a light touch and gentle spirit. And it works beautifully. P. Merrill , Editor (Scottsdale, AZ)
Founder, ENcourage Connection (see full review on
amazon.com)
This book hits close to home This book is not a "how to" but rather
a personal perspective that many anxiety sufferers have been looking for. When I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder
(GAD) I began thinking that I was the only one who was experiencing emotions and traumatic feelings of these levels. In her
book, Judy simply tells her story and it is amazing how it can parallel your own world. As she states, "You are not alone,"
and she means it. Realizing that I was truly not the only one, I began to cry and shortly after, an immense weight began to
be lifted, giving me hope. There is comfort in numbers, so they say, and realizing you are one of many
that suffers, brings hope, determination, and eventually peace with your anxiety. In combination with professional help, these
books (The Power of Acceptance and Embracing the Fear) have given me the tools to manage my anxiety unlike any others, and
courage to begin moving forward to a more enriching life. A. Wachholz, anxiety recoverer
Mpls., Minnesota (see full review on amazon.com) This book is available at Amazon.com, Barnesandnoble.com, & can be ordered through local bookstores
 About the Author
Judith Bemis, a recovered agoraphobic,
started experiencing panic attacks in 1965. Thinking that it was a serious medical problem, she continually searched for answers
concerning the cause, but to no avail. After a period of being semi-housebound, she managed to white-knuckle it until a major
setback in 1981 prompted a renewed search for help. A year of cognitive therapy proved to be a turning point in her life.
Wanting to share her freedom with others, she
founded Open Door Outreach, Inc. (a network of support groups for people with agoraphobia and other related anxiety disorders)
and has served as director and facilitator for the organization since 1986. In January of 2007, Open Door merged with NAMI
Minnesota (National Alliance on Mental Illness). Ms. Bemis currently serves on the NAMI Minnesota Board of Directors.
Ms. Bemis holds a Bachelor of Science Degree in Education from the University
of Minnesota, and did graduate work at Michigan State University. Before retiring, she taught public school music for thirty-five
years and worked as a consultant for two years at Abbott-Northwestern Hospital's Behavioral Medicine Clinic in Minneapolis.
She is committed to helping improve the lives of people who suffer with anxiety and panic attacks.
Photograph by Bruce Schnack Photography
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